Things They Don’t Tell you About Being Single

So, I’ve been getting used to this single thing, and it’s actually not too bad.

One of the things I feel I never got to do when I first moved to the DMV area was a chance to really explore everything I wanted. I have this book that my boss got me called 100 things to Do in DC before you Die. The title doesn’t really do much for me but there’s lots of great finds on things that go on in the city that you can’t really search for on yelp, so very excited to start crossing some things off.

I still haven’t gotten used to the fact that people here are just out and about during the winter days like there isn’t a slight chill in the forecast, but I know I’ll get there. So, I wanted to make my own list of things I feel are benefits to being single.

It can be a time of growth, understanding and challenges but in all it is a point in any one’s life where there is a choice to either accept how things are or continue to maneuver through life still challenging yourself, and becoming a better person as a result of it.

Being just single comes with some great benefits:

  • Your alone time becomes something you care about: Maybe before you had to share this time or had less of it. Now, it’s something that you look to, it helps you think, helps you regroup, helps you feel centered and allows you to know how precious that time is for you. It becomes a space where you get things done for yourself and allows you to do the things you want to do at the end of the day.
  • Things you neglected become more of a priority: You look back on relationships, goals and just other things that you neglected and you make those things more of a priority. Hopefully this next time around you allow it to stick bc you’ve built up an arsenal of things that you know bring joy to your life so regardless of anything new that comes into your space, you know how to balance those things out.
  • Be selfish: To get your mind right, most of these benefits mentioned, require some selfishness which you shouldn’t apologize for.
  • Can make an effort to date yourself: Find who you are, any part of you that got lost in some way, this is the time to bring it out ad nurture it.
  • You can sit back and realize that life milestones can be changed and best suited for what works for you: This is your life and if you choose to do things a bit later than what is expected of you, it is A-Okay, bc this is your path and you have to be ready when you’re ready, not when others want you to be.
  • You have time to gain some mental clarity: You get to think through some things, how do you make yourself a better person, are there some changes you need to make? Being able to have this moment is about being able to make decisions that are best for you. You’re trying to get your life together so you can be ready for any thing that comes your way. The great Beyoncé said on Oprah some years back that what makes her good in her marriage was that she had a life of her own before she started this great journey with her hubbie. That’s the level I’m trying to be at and that’s my focus.

If you have any other benefits, do share. This is a time of enlightenment for anyone in this same space and its all about finding a part in life that is for you and only you, so hopefully you can share aspects of this for any future relationship to come.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Alvina

 

 

 

See More Than You Want to See Though Self-Discovery

We all hear this infamous word, self-discovery? We may think it doesn’t apply and may not pay it the attention it truly deserves.  A path that at times we dismiss in the midst of life challenges. So this leads me to a few questions:

 

Do you recognize this person you see in the mirror each day? Are you making the changes you want to make? If not, what is stopping you?

We see ourselves in the mirror everyday, we should at least and it’s about paying attention to what you’re becoming and if it fits with what you value.  You know before I even get into that, are you really looking at yourself each day? Yes, we can stand in the mirror but what are you focusing on? Is it every not so great thing about you, is it everything you aren’t right now, or are you slightly looking at yourself, afraid of what you see? I think that right there is the first part of all of this, being able to fully see who you are and being realistic with what you recognize and what needs an overhaul.

Business Plan, More Like A Self Plan

Just like a business, start thinking of yourself as a brand and what components need assistance to make this part of self-discovery something amazing.

  • What’s your self plan looking like? Similar to a business plan but what are some pieces of yourself that you need to take a good look at.
  • Get your goals in check, from today, a week from now, a month or year, what do you want to see for yourself in you?
  • What things do you need to get you in check, what people can help, how can you help yourself in some way?

Being able to take a hard look at different parts of who are, makes the building process a bit easier to overcome.

I’ve questioned that person in the mirror several times and at times being able to be real on where you are in life and if it matches with your values can be tough. There are different aspects of life that take us away from us, but when your values are in check, that doesn’t happen as easily.

I can remember going back and forth on making sure it’s the right time to do something, maybe I’ve just lost myself and life is really taking its toll, or maybe it’s also trying to find my happiness from others validation.  All of this really made it hard to look at myself in the mirror, bc that fear of what I truly would see once I peeled off the exterior and look deep within.

Sometimes you have to get down deep, may have to shed a few tears, may have to re-do aspects of your life to see YOU again, but overall this is where self-discovery starts.

If you want to live a life of purpose, with intention, a life that is yours, with no regrets, you start it by looking deep into that person you see in the mirror each day and figuring out what you need and what values are truly important to you and finding ways to match that in aspects of your life.

Kept this short and sweet, hope this was helpful to you in some way.

Thanks for reading,

Alvina

 

The Time That You Give To Areas of Your Life

 

What are you making time for?

 

One of the things that I keep thinking about is the time that we put into different areas that we want to work through. To see progress in one area of your life, you have to spend time making sure that you are nurturing what you’re trying to focus on. Quite often clients get stuck, they want things to start happening now but sometimes it takes time, time that some may not want to invest. There can be a mindset that if a certain plan doesn’t work, the process won’t work so people want to quit all together. This right here is where I come in to really encourage that progress can happen.

But, I always ask during these moments, What is hindering you from making time for yourself? Where is all your time going?

Sometimes, the response that I usually get is “You know, I really don’t know.”

Is it because we get to a point where we stop paying attention to what things we need to do for ourselves? Does life get too complicated that we remove things from our life that should serve a purpose and replace it with things that we settle for?

Paying attention to what you do on a consistent basis shapes your mindset, your focus, your motivation and your goals. Take social media or just the concern of what others are doing in their lives, so if that is what continues to grab your attention, you focus on trying to do what works for others and living a life that was meant for someone else instead of getting yourself together to focus on your own goals, staying in our own lane, doing what makes us happy. Another example, if you are constantly thinking not so great things, over thinking situations, etc, that can tire you out to the point where you can’t enjoy life anymore because you can’t control how you attend to certain thoughts, you limit yourself because your thoughts hold you back and then it becomes a continuous cycle that will never end until you make time to change-up your thought process.

Investing in you needs to continue to be a focus, make time for growing, learning, shaping yourself because developing into what you want to become takes time. Last week, I wrote about the things I started to do differently once my mindset changed. My focus lately has been investing more time in myself. I invest time towards work, my relationship, doing for others, writing, exercise and so many other things that I look up at times and wonder where all my time has gone. Simple projects of organizing take time now because my time and energy is being depleted.  So lately, I have been allowing myself to really be care-free and I make time to do the smallest things for me.  I take my time in making sure I’m doing what I want, making sure I’m doing things the way I would like and that’s been a great feeling. You should do the same if you aren’t already.  If you’re wanting a different outcome in any aspect of your life, its time to start focusing on how much energy you are giving things that aren’t helpful to your growth.

Take time to let your new way of doing things grow and develop. Some things that need your time:

• Find a routine that works for you on a daily

• Relax

• Let go of things

• Make your goals

• Be present

• Find your passion

• Regulate your emotions

• Build up an arsenal of things that bring a smile to your face

• Love the person you are

• For people who matter to you

• Find overall balance

 

Just a few things, let me know if you have anymore.

 

Thanks for reading

Alvie

 

Photos by knwphotos

Is it Time To Declutter?

Changing your life to get to a place where you experience overall wellness takes work. How often do you declutter things that don’t necessarily go along with the life you currently have? As you grow through different experiences in your life, there’s always room to let a few things go to be able to enjoy what you having going on, right? Uh-huh. So I’m piggybacking off of what I wrote on Monday and digging a bit deeper into why decluttering needs to happen throughout this thing we call life. At times its impossible to see things clearly when you’re still carrying around baggage that you don’t need, behaviors that don’t suit you well and coping skills that no longer work with your new way of going about life. So, I have a few questions to really see if decluttering is what you need to do.

  • Is this person/behavior/situation helping you grow in any way or is it holding back?-You have to take that step back at times and really question why you continue to allow certain things to still be in your life. If something continues to hinder your growth, then its time to let it go, if something keeps holding you back and making you not see your abilities, its time to let it go. Along with this, if you have people in your life that only give you just enough and maybe you give them more of your time, then maybe it’s evaluating some things, if people aren’t on the same path as you mentally and may either try to bring you down to their level, this is another good time to evaluate who you call a friend and who is just someone who you will allow to pass through ever so often.
  • What type of feelings/symptoms does this person/behavior/situation evoke in you?- Think about how you feel when you’re in moments when dealing with certain things and pay attention to how you feel after the fact. When you really pay attention to how you react in certain moments, what physical symptoms you experience in these moments, you can identify if this is a helpful situation for you. If you experience a slight agitation, quickly get defensive, then once again this is another time to take a step back and analyze some things about this person/situation. Keeping a log can also help in this process for you to visually see the effects that a particular behavior/situation/person has over you.
  • If you were let go of this person/situation/behavior, how would that affect your life?-There are times when we just need to reflect on things, especially when you’re feeling a bit unbalanced and don’t know the root cause is, sit back and take stock of a few things and really think about what your life would look like if this person/situation/behavior was no longer part of your inner circle.  We at times don’t want to let go because that thing or person has been a part of our life for so long but this is when you go back to the first question and really ask yourself if this is helpful to your growth or just hindering it.

If you find yourself needing to declutter, hope this provides some guidance for you on why you should start this process to help you see how your life could probably be once you take some things out that no longer serve you any purpose. It’s a hard process and also ongoing but it’s needed when you’re going through this journey of self-discovery and I think that’s where I’m at, it’s also never too late to really start this process. Thanks for reading and will let you know how my decluttering goes as I really start to pay attention to a few things to make sure there’s a true purpose for it in my life.

Have a good one.

Alvie

 

Early Process of Decluttering Your Life

Hiiiii, so how was your weekend? Let’s see, what did I do besides decluttering, well I’m really trying to get back on track with overall wellness and getting my mojo back on just being happy.

I feel like I’ve had moments in the last few weeks where I really just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Why I couldn’t really be motivated? If I’m really happy with different things in my life and so on and so on, but I think it’s really just wanting to make some changes for myself, how I react to things, wanting to do more with my blog platform and just being in tune with the now and not letting my thoughts about things not presently occurring influence my mood. I think sometimes it’s wanting that instant gratification in wanting a change to happen now and I’m just learning that as I’m making positive changes small or big, its something and I need to trust the process.

J.W mentioned to me that as I’m making this change towards being a better person, working towards the things I want, I’m in this space of fear, I don’t know what’s going to happen and there is this underlying feeling of not knowing what to expect and I think being a person that has to have that control at times to know what is going on, I’m not sure how to handle it. So, not sure what occurred this weekend but I feel a bit liberated. I have been in a better mood, thinking more positively and also have been able to focus a bit better on things. One of the things I did do was get back on a regular routine of dancing on Saturday and its really something when we go off track just a little on things we do that improve how we feel, it really does throw us off.

In this moment of positive energy, it really got me thinking about decluttering a few things as well, I think at times moments like this really make you look at things differently and help you see that certain things/people, probably aren’t helpful to your growth anymore.I had a client mention to me a few weeks ago a book he was reading about decluttering and not just our space but your life and I wanted to apply some of this to my own life. In the next few weeks, I want to declutter some things, my space, getting our space more organized, decluttering of certain relationships and just decluttering my thoughts. It’s just sometimes all the things we have around at times, can really just be too much and the funny thing is we don’t need all these things, as we make any positive change towards growth, there is no rule that says we need to bring all of our past baggage with us and every so often its good to remove some things in our life to have a clear mindset and focus on what we’re trying to do. Going through this process of decluttering your life is a process and the first step is expressing that this is what you want to do, so check and check back in on Wednesday, where I share more about the benefits of decluttering your life and what it can really do to your overall quality of life.

Quote of the Day

How things slip my mind, I didn’t add a quote of the day this week. I did happen to share on Instagram, if you follow but this quote really is something that I thought about this weekend and has been something that I have been trying to focus on lately. When the new year comes, we always have a new vision of how we want things to go, whether its improving our fitness, changing how we think, maybe traveling more but not sure if I really ever tried to dig deep into finding my true gift, I feel I’m there, I enjoy helping others, I enjoy making a difference but I guess for me, I want to do more with that and its figuring that out for myself to truly be happy with this thing we call life. So this quote really did make me think a bit after I had posted it, I think it also helped that JW has been pushing me to do this, providing me with encouraging statements, that I needed to be reminded of and he also was listening to motivational speakers throughout our place so that in a way ignited something in me to really dig deep into my gift. This quote right here really does say that you have a purpose and its believing that, because that’s where it starts, you have to believe in you first for all other things to fall into place, so if our mindset needs to change before starting this journey, then it’s focusing on that bc if our thoughts aren’t right, we won’t be right as we go towards this journey of really finding this great gift that we have and need to share with the world. So, if you really are serious and really want to find your purpose in life, dig deep, spend some time with yourself and continue this on a daily basis to get to where you’re trying to be, nothing can stop you, if you have a plan and focus on that consistently, so find that gift, whatever it is and when you do, nurture it, do something everyday to make that gift a stronger part of you. Happy Sunday peeps.

 

Alvie

Make Things Happen Now

As the new year is coming upon us, you always hear about the changes that people are going to make, the new things that they’re going to do but I always wondered why they can’t make those changes now? Any day is a good time to start working on the things you need to work on. I kind of stopped making New Years resolutions and in a way just focused on what it is I need to change on daily basis. “Starting now,” is a perfect statement to focus on, we can hold ourselves back by waiting on the right time or the next year to get things going but what is wrong with now? We hold ourselves back because of fears we may have about not knowing what to expect. As you prolong whatever it is that you want to accomplish, the more likely it may not happen or you may be quick to give it up quickly once starting it. So, with that if there is something you want to do, focus on it now, what’s the first step you can take? Start with that, then how do you get there? What can be done today to start making this thought of yours a reality? You don’t need the start of the new year to say this is what you’ll do differently, go into the new year already focused and working on this new you. Keeping it short and simple today. Happy Holidays