To Love, Live, Laugh

To live carefree in this year, I’m learning to kick things up a notch and love and live in this life. So, I’ve talked a bit about certain things I’ve been working on for self, but I think this year, its being able to do what truly feels right for me. We are told certain things throughout our life and just so many things can influence what we read, eat, what we do, etc. I feel now, I want to influence myself to the point that I’m living for me and not how this world wants to me live. 

To Love

For one, since my relationship ended last year, I think I’ve had this battle with myself on if a relationship is in the cards for me and if I even want that. Through some sole searching, I feel that I want to give love another chance. Just because several people in my past may have messed up how I view relationships. I think for me, I haven’t found someone that can truly make me look at relationships in a more positive place and I think it can happen, it just may take time and I’m here for it. 

  • So many times, we can allow that one person to affect how we approach future situations and I think it’s about reflecting on what you learned, what you can improve on and promising yourself time to get right, so you’re not just filling a void of loneliness and jumping into the next relationship quickly. 
    • If you’re in the same situation, let your past teach you things, but don’t allow it to damper your spirits about relationships. Cry your eyes out when you feel you need to and spend some time with you. It may not be fun at times but this is your time to love you, appreciate you, get your goals back in check and just be set in you so that this next relationship, you will handle it differently, you’ll appreciate it differently and it will be such a breath of fresh air when that next person treats you the way you should be treated

 To Live

Another thing is being honest with people by speaking my mind when I’m not too pleased about something.  I’m very much a person that might hold things in, out of fear of hurting people’s feelings but I think I’m over that. There is a way to get your thoughts out in an assertive way to make sure things are being released. No more just accepting how things happen, it’s now about being vocal because your voice, like mine is important, so don’t be fearful of that

  • If you’re trying to learn some ways to be assertive, its first making sure you’re set with you, that you have some understanding of your core beliefs. These beliefs are pretty important since they factor into what you think about self, so if you think ‘you don’t matter’, this may be shown in how you approach situations with others. So, fix those beliefs about self, replace it with more positive statements, then focus on speaking on things, regardless of how big or small it may be, it’s learning that, that voice of yours matters. The more you do it, the more you become comfortable in hearing that great voice of yours.  

To Laugh

Lastly, it’s about laughing, life doesn’t have to be so serious. At times I can get in my own head and instead of being able to be present in the moment to enjoy it, my thoughts can at times take over. So, no more being in dance class, beating myself up about missing a step, I’m going to start getting out of my head and just laugh and smile that I’m in this space. It’s ok to make mistakes, to laugh at yourself, to have fun, to enjoy what’s going on around you. What’s not ok is not being able to find that inner child every so often to be able to let loose. 

  • If you need some ways to let go, make mistakes intentionally, knowing that you don’t have to be perfect.  Have fun with yourself, create play time for yourself. Get out of your comfort zone and get of your head.  Start to enjoy moments with a mindset that, “each moment of my life, I will make it a fun experience, no matter what.” Shake it out, scream it out, dance it out, whatever it is you need to release that extra tension, do it so you can get to more fun things.

Change the Scenario

I’ve talked about this before and wanted to share more ways we can change the scenario to get a different outcome for ourselves.

One of the things that occurs in life is how we can continue to place ourselves in situations or we may avoid  moments due to a perceived fear of what we think could happen if we change things up for the better. At times we think this change may not work, so it may be best to continue with doing what we’ve done in the past, using an unhealthy coping response.

Think about it, if you’ve ever experienced anxiety, you tend to avoid moments where your anxious feelings could be affected. With depression, you tend to not do anything at times, because of the thought you can’t, things won’t change, etc. so you just continue to be in this state of feeling like you do.  The thing is you can’t see the change you want to see in any moment if you don’t try to tackle it in some way..Right?

To be comfortable enough to take that next step in any moment to overcome the certain feelings, it’s focusing on changing your scenario. Basically, this is changing up how you see this moment, imagining a different outcome and taking necessary steps to get you over this hurdle.

There is no set rule that we have to continue to live in this state of feeling anxious, sad, angry, frustrated, irritable, etc. It can be changed. I always wonder if at times we think this is possible. Yes, at times there are mood changes within us that arise unexpectedly, but if we experience certain emotions long enough, should we try to take some responsibility in changing up how we are affected so it doesn’t continue to hinder our growth?

To Change Up the Scenario, a few things to get you started

  • Know What Resources You Have to get over this:

    From your support system, having someone that can hold you accountable to take the necessary steps that you need to take. Also, what are some strengths you can use in this moment to stay strong and motivated? There are moments where we can get overwhelmed and feel we don’t have the resources to improve on certain ways we feel. So, that’s why it’s important to make a list of the things you have around you and also identify anything you might need to improve these moments for yourself. You want to make sure you’re ready and this is where it starts.

  • Imagine things a bit differently:

    At times you can replay the same scenario in your head and it keeps giving you the same outcome, so what do you do? Avoid, Avoid, Avoid. We don’t want that, there is something in that situation that can be changed and it’s starts with thinking of a different outcome. Thinking of how you can approach the situation a bit differently, thinking of a way your behavior can be shifted to get a more desired outcome to face certain fears.

    • Let’s say public speaking isn’t your thing and you keep ruminating about how everyone is talking about you when you’re presenting information that you know like the back of your hand. You replay this moment in your head, you can’t find the words to say what you need to, your voice cracks, you’re sweating profusely, etc. Now, what if instead of thinking of all these not so great things, you think about how you’ve practiced this situation several times and are ready.  You do a few relaxation techniques prior to this moment to calm yourself down, you take a stress ball with you to the podium to help you relax and you focus on the content of your presentation instead of what people are thinking, how that could shift how you feel about being prepared for a moment like this? You might just relax a little bit more, feel a bit more confident. So, imagine if you kept replaying this in your head, what do you think the outcome would be for you?
  • Take Baby Steps to Get You Started:

    It’s always good just to start with what that first step can be, no matter how big or small. What do you feel inside of you would be an easy first step to get you going? Write that step down, think about doing this step, set a date, then begin. Schedule this step in your weekly routine and keep it going until you feel you’ve mastered this, then think of another step and just repeat this process.

  • Build Up How You Feel on What You Know Your Capable of:

    Build up on your confidence. If there is something hindering your self-esteem and confidence, what is that thing and how can you make sure your self-concept is intact to believe in yourself during this process? Be careful with your thoughts, they could be saying things in certain moments that may unconsciously bring you down and make you feel like you can’t do certain things. Try to make it a habit to uplift yourself, create moments where you celebrate yourself, savor in moments where you did one small thing. It may not mean much to you but your psyche on the other hand may really appreciate this and doing more of these things can open up some pathways in that brain of yours to think and do things differently in situations to overcome the fears you may have.

Not every thought that we have about certain moments is valid. Recognize when your mind is playing tricks on you, when you’re just limiting yourself, recognize when you’re not challenging yourself and take a simple approach to think about things differently to create a new scenario for yourself.

Thanks for reading, I got 2 post in the bag this week. Look at me and if you didn’t catch what I wrote, check it out here.

Have a lovely weekend

Alvina

Consistency Is The Focus

Happy New Year..I was trying to think of a word that described a bit of how I wanted to look into the new year and happened to find that consistency is where I wanted to start.

I’m not big on resolutions for the year but having a word to focus on may just be what I start to do from here on out. It may be something that could work for you as well. You can feel a bit more in control with a word. Also, its not as overwhelming as creating a list on top of lists for your New Year’s resolution.

The reason for this chosen word is because I know I have a tendency to stop certain things and then I wonder why things continue to be the same. I think if we want things to be different, we have to have some sort of consistency in how we approach situations, people, etc. One of the things that I have started to do is make lists for myself at work and home. This helps me hold myself accountable in focusing on my goals. Consistency to me is the ability to take yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s a way to be driven towards something that is important to you and it can be helpful in making you create an action plan for yourself to make sure you’re fully aware of what you’re trying to do.

I created a video today that I shared on my Instagram stories and what I mentioned along with consistency is just the ability to reinvent yourself. That should be a focus because its about looking at where you’re currently at in your life and recognizing the changes that need to occur. Consistency with this is knowing yourself to the point that you continuously check-in with self to make sure things are going as planned and if not, going back to the drawing board to create a new path, even with the same goals.

The plan for this year and my word ‘consistency’ is being able to follow my passion, sticking with a plan I have had about having my own business one day, taking care of self to the point where regardless of who comes in and out of my life, no one can break that bond that I have with self and lastly its truly bringing a lot more satisfaction into my life by creating opportunities for growth, adventure and self-acceptance.

I shared with you my word or focus, how about you and what are your thoughts for the new year?

Thanks for reading and I promise to start being more ‘consistent’ in posting.

Alvina

Being Appreciative of That Thing

Hey everyone.. Hope the nice holiday was eventful for you and hope you’re doing well. It has been a minute and I can explain. So, I was away at a conference and I’ll share more about it in a later post, so my focus was on that and then I moved the week of thanksgiving so then I was focused on that and now I’m about to attend a workshop out-of-town so just been a tad bit busy, but that shouldn’t be an excuse. Still should have checked in. I’m writing this as I need to start packing but I will be short.

One of the things I thought about this morning is just being appreciative of the things we do have. Making that a focus in our thoughts. This year again, I wasn’t able to make it down to see my family, but I was appreciative of being able to communicate with them. This just falls in line with what I wanted to share today.

Being Appreciative of the Little Things

At times we have a tendency to ignore the good things in our life, from our families, friendships, our health, our senses, etc. How much do you take advantage of these good things in your life? Maybe we don’t call people as much or just say aloud how much you appreciate these things in your life that you may take for granted. Sometimes these things that we should shout to the mountain tops that we are grateful for are as simple as opening your eyes in the morning or being able to have another day, these things are supposed to happen right?, so why show appreciation for them?

Well, when we start to appreciate little aspects of our life, it becomes that much more important to us, we nurture those things if we can, we also move towards changing our focus. How? Well, this may help us shift our focus from the not so great things in our life, to just being appreciative that we have our health and with that your health may become more of a priority and you start to consistently participate in activities that can benefit your health and this takes you away from criticizing self and focusing on all the things you can’t do. Make sense?

Showing this gratitude and appreciation of everyday things in your life, helps to change your thoughts and we know from previous posts, this can help with changing how you feel and behave in situations.

So, I challenge, if you’re up for it, as we’re in the last few weeks of the year, what is one small thing you’re appreciative for in your life and what will you do to nurture that as the new year is upon us?

Things They Don’t Tell you About Being Single

So, I’ve been getting used to this single thing, and it’s actually not too bad.

One of the things I feel I never got to do when I first moved to the DMV area was a chance to really explore everything I wanted. I have this book that my boss got me called 100 things to Do in DC before you Die. The title doesn’t really do much for me but there’s lots of great finds on things that go on in the city that you can’t really search for on yelp, so very excited to start crossing some things off.

I still haven’t gotten used to the fact that people here are just out and about during the winter days like there isn’t a slight chill in the forecast, but I know I’ll get there. So, I wanted to make my own list of things I feel are benefits to being single.

It can be a time of growth, understanding and challenges but in all it is a point in any one’s life where there is a choice to either accept how things are or continue to maneuver through life still challenging yourself, and becoming a better person as a result of it.

Being just single comes with some great benefits:

  • Your alone time becomes something you care about: Maybe before you had to share this time or had less of it. Now, it’s something that you look to, it helps you think, helps you regroup, helps you feel centered and allows you to know how precious that time is for you. It becomes a space where you get things done for yourself and allows you to do the things you want to do at the end of the day.
  • Things you neglected become more of a priority: You look back on relationships, goals and just other things that you neglected and you make those things more of a priority. Hopefully this next time around you allow it to stick bc you’ve built up an arsenal of things that you know bring joy to your life so regardless of anything new that comes into your space, you know how to balance those things out.
  • Be selfish: To get your mind right, most of these benefits mentioned, require some selfishness which you shouldn’t apologize for.
  • Can make an effort to date yourself: Find who you are, any part of you that got lost in some way, this is the time to bring it out ad nurture it.
  • You can sit back and realize that life milestones can be changed and best suited for what works for you: This is your life and if you choose to do things a bit later than what is expected of you, it is A-Okay, bc this is your path and you have to be ready when you’re ready, not when others want you to be.
  • You have time to gain some mental clarity: You get to think through some things, how do you make yourself a better person, are there some changes you need to make? Being able to have this moment is about being able to make decisions that are best for you. You’re trying to get your life together so you can be ready for any thing that comes your way. The great Beyoncé said on Oprah some years back that what makes her good in her marriage was that she had a life of her own before she started this great journey with her hubbie. That’s the level I’m trying to be at and that’s my focus.

If you have any other benefits, do share. This is a time of enlightenment for anyone in this same space and its all about finding a part in life that is for you and only you, so hopefully you can share aspects of this for any future relationship to come.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Alvina

 

 

 

See More Than You Want to See Though Self-Discovery

We all hear this infamous word, self-discovery? We may think it doesn’t apply and may not pay it the attention it truly deserves.  A path that at times we dismiss in the midst of life challenges. So this leads me to a few questions:

 

Do you recognize this person you see in the mirror each day? Are you making the changes you want to make? If not, what is stopping you?

We see ourselves in the mirror everyday, we should at least and it’s about paying attention to what you’re becoming and if it fits with what you value.  You know before I even get into that, are you really looking at yourself each day? Yes, we can stand in the mirror but what are you focusing on? Is it every not so great thing about you, is it everything you aren’t right now, or are you slightly looking at yourself, afraid of what you see? I think that right there is the first part of all of this, being able to fully see who you are and being realistic with what you recognize and what needs an overhaul.

Business Plan, More Like A Self Plan

Just like a business, start thinking of yourself as a brand and what components need assistance to make this part of self-discovery something amazing.

  • What’s your self plan looking like? Similar to a business plan but what are some pieces of yourself that you need to take a good look at.
  • Get your goals in check, from today, a week from now, a month or year, what do you want to see for yourself in you?
  • What things do you need to get you in check, what people can help, how can you help yourself in some way?

Being able to take a hard look at different parts of who are, makes the building process a bit easier to overcome.

I’ve questioned that person in the mirror several times and at times being able to be real on where you are in life and if it matches with your values can be tough. There are different aspects of life that take us away from us, but when your values are in check, that doesn’t happen as easily.

I can remember going back and forth on making sure it’s the right time to do something, maybe I’ve just lost myself and life is really taking its toll, or maybe it’s also trying to find my happiness from others validation.  All of this really made it hard to look at myself in the mirror, bc that fear of what I truly would see once I peeled off the exterior and look deep within.

Sometimes you have to get down deep, may have to shed a few tears, may have to re-do aspects of your life to see YOU again, but overall this is where self-discovery starts.

If you want to live a life of purpose, with intention, a life that is yours, with no regrets, you start it by looking deep into that person you see in the mirror each day and figuring out what you need and what values are truly important to you and finding ways to match that in aspects of your life.

Kept this short and sweet, hope this was helpful to you in some way.

Thanks for reading,

Alvina

 

Keeping Your Motivation To Follow Through With What You Say You’re Going to Do

Hey there…How’s it going? How’s life? All good I hope, even with any little hiccups that have come your way, you still have some motivation left in you. This weekend really showed that summer is officially outta here, and fall is coming. I’m actually looking forward to the cooler weather and buying some things that I need.  Trying to live this minimalist lifestyle one day at a time.

I did a few things this weekend and one of them was attending a Blogger Brunch and what it taught me was how diverse this blogging world is and how our paths to truly being successful can be so different yet rewarding.  One of the things that I appreciate about the panelist of bloggers was their motivation to go after what they wanted. To build a brand focused on you, I think it really speaks volumes because you have to accept all of who you are, negative self-talk and all because you’re wanting to build this space that shows off what you’re capable of and there’s no time to doubt your abilities.

This motivated me in a way because I feel I have this tendency to say what I’m going to do but at times my actions don’t follow through like I would like. This panelist of women, basically matched their actions with their words. Big snaps for that. Something I need to work on to keep my motivation going.  I’m not just talking about myself, what about you, how’s that follow through game going for you?

Is This You?

What happened to you speaking up for yourself at work? What about following through on getting a raise and talking about the promotion you so know you deserve? Maybe that little invention or idea you have that you keep doubting yourself about, that it won’t work? What about making that time for the gym that’s connected to your apartment?

This is Your Time

This is your time to do it, one step at time,  just start, if not, when? Not everything has to be in line for you to start. I’ve heard this several times from people who have started anything in some way.  We hold ourselves back to the point that we at times get to this space in our lives where we look back and question where all the time has gone and then follow that up with several regrets, which cycles into negative self-talk and different layers of our self-esteem is impacted, which can do damage to our overall mental health.  

Here are a few tips to start this process of following through and living this meaningful life you were given:

Get out of your head

This is number one for a few things but for you to believe in your success, you’re going to have to feed that mind of yours with thoughts to keep your motivation going. If you’re doubting your abilities, make a list of your strengths to look at when you need a pick me up. Focus on what you can do now and make getting out of your head a priority. What you create in your mind is what you believe, so create a healthy mindset that appreciates this journey you’re about to embark on. 

Plan, Plan, Plan, Something

Have a way to plan things out, no matter how big or small, put it on paper. I would love to say I have mastered this but its still something I’m working on. There are several journals out there that can help you get a plan going for yourself. I like this journal called the Happy Planner, found at Micheal’s and got cheaper with a coupon.  Utilize SMART goals to focus on one aspect of this plan at a time. Make a to-do list daily, check-in with yourself at the end of each day, incorporate your power hour for writing out this plan. Do something. I think a plan is a good way to go. It gives you a chance to see where you’re going, where your currently at and what you need to change. Depending on what it is, figure out a way to keep yourself on track to keep your motivation going.

Make Sure It Matters To You

This isn’t about what someone else wants and you’re trying to follow in that path because it’s what’s best.  It’s about you and if this thing you keep talking about is really something you want to do for you, then it’s making a pact with yourself. No matter the struggles, the sacrifices you will have to make, you will stick this out because you believe you can make this happen. You will learn a great deal about yourself during this process and you will come out of this knowing that when you say something, you have what it take to follow through.

What’s the First Step You Can Take 

It doesn’t matter what you do but start something consistently. If it’s carving out 5 minutes each day to jot down ideas, think of a name for this thing, or if it’s just looking at ways to make your vision come to light. Whatever it is that you need to really focus on, just start with, “What is the first step that I can take?” It’s all part of the process and big or small, you’re going to have to start somewhere. Consistency is key so don’t allow distractors (social media, people bringing your idea down, etc) to get in the way of your vision.

Lastly, get someone who can really hold you accountable

Like really. You need someone who will be on you like no other so you can follow through. You need someone to keep that motivation going for you, so find someone who can do that. Whether its someone trying to do the same thing as you, a family member, a mentor,  whoever just make sure they know what you’re asking of them and if they will take on this challenge to get you to where you’re trying to go.

 

You can do this and it all starts with you. Doing something is what you need to keep your motivation going to make you stick things out. What that thing is, is up to you. So, how will you follow through and keep your word?

 

Thanks for reading

Alvina