Change the Scenario

I’ve talked about this before and wanted to share more ways we can change the scenario to get a different outcome for ourselves.

One of the things that occurs in life is how we can continue to place ourselves in situations or we may avoid  moments due to a perceived fear of what we think could happen if we change things up for the better. At times we think this change may not work, so it may be best to continue with doing what we’ve done in the past, using an unhealthy coping response.

Think about it, if you’ve ever experienced anxiety, you tend to avoid moments where your anxious feelings could be affected. With depression, you tend to not do anything at times, because of the thought you can’t, things won’t change, etc. so you just continue to be in this state of feeling like you do.  The thing is you can’t see the change you want to see in any moment if you don’t try to tackle it in some way..Right?

To be comfortable enough to take that next step in any moment to overcome the certain feelings, it’s focusing on changing your scenario. Basically, this is changing up how you see this moment, imagining a different outcome and taking necessary steps to get you over this hurdle.

There is no set rule that we have to continue to live in this state of feeling anxious, sad, angry, frustrated, irritable, etc. It can be changed. I always wonder if at times we think this is possible. Yes, at times there are mood changes within us that arise unexpectedly, but if we experience certain emotions long enough, should we try to take some responsibility in changing up how we are affected so it doesn’t continue to hinder our growth?

To Change Up the Scenario, a few things to get you started

  • Know What Resources You Have to get over this:

    From your support system, having someone that can hold you accountable to take the necessary steps that you need to take. Also, what are some strengths you can use in this moment to stay strong and motivated? There are moments where we can get overwhelmed and feel we don’t have the resources to improve on certain ways we feel. So, that’s why it’s important to make a list of the things you have around you and also identify anything you might need to improve these moments for yourself. You want to make sure you’re ready and this is where it starts.

  • Imagine things a bit differently:

    At times you can replay the same scenario in your head and it keeps giving you the same outcome, so what do you do? Avoid, Avoid, Avoid. We don’t want that, there is something in that situation that can be changed and it’s starts with thinking of a different outcome. Thinking of how you can approach the situation a bit differently, thinking of a way your behavior can be shifted to get a more desired outcome to face certain fears.

    • Let’s say public speaking isn’t your thing and you keep ruminating about how everyone is talking about you when you’re presenting information that you know like the back of your hand. You replay this moment in your head, you can’t find the words to say what you need to, your voice cracks, you’re sweating profusely, etc. Now, what if instead of thinking of all these not so great things, you think about how you’ve practiced this situation several times and are ready.  You do a few relaxation techniques prior to this moment to calm yourself down, you take a stress ball with you to the podium to help you relax and you focus on the content of your presentation instead of what people are thinking, how that could shift how you feel about being prepared for a moment like this? You might just relax a little bit more, feel a bit more confident. So, imagine if you kept replaying this in your head, what do you think the outcome would be for you?
  • Take Baby Steps to Get You Started:

    It’s always good just to start with what that first step can be, no matter how big or small. What do you feel inside of you would be an easy first step to get you going? Write that step down, think about doing this step, set a date, then begin. Schedule this step in your weekly routine and keep it going until you feel you’ve mastered this, then think of another step and just repeat this process.

  • Build Up How You Feel on What You Know Your Capable of:

    Build up on your confidence. If there is something hindering your self-esteem and confidence, what is that thing and how can you make sure your self-concept is intact to believe in yourself during this process? Be careful with your thoughts, they could be saying things in certain moments that may unconsciously bring you down and make you feel like you can’t do certain things. Try to make it a habit to uplift yourself, create moments where you celebrate yourself, savor in moments where you did one small thing. It may not mean much to you but your psyche on the other hand may really appreciate this and doing more of these things can open up some pathways in that brain of yours to think and do things differently in situations to overcome the fears you may have.

Not every thought that we have about certain moments is valid. Recognize when your mind is playing tricks on you, when you’re just limiting yourself, recognize when you’re not challenging yourself and take a simple approach to think about things differently to create a new scenario for yourself.

Thanks for reading, I got 2 post in the bag this week. Look at me and if you didn’t catch what I wrote, check it out here.

Have a lovely weekend

Alvina

Calming Yourself Down With Your One

Hey there. Long time no see but I’m trying, just thought I’d poke my head out and let you guys know I’m still here. Being busy at times can be good and not so good, so I’m still trying to find a balance. Plus, I’m working on moving so that’s another layer of things I have to focus on. I think I would like to talk about my calming activity that has been oh so helpful.  As I sit on my couch, flipping through Netflix, not really finding anything. I cut the cord a while back or is it I cut the cable, but anywhoo not sure if getting older but I just can’t seem to find much that interests me on tv nowadays. 

As I like to multi-task oh so well, I’m also coloring in my adult coloring book and that truly is my peace right now. It’s my one. What is this “one” that I’m talking about? It’s really an activity/hobby that you find for yourself that helps create a calming bubble for you any time of the day. 

Coloring for me is my one thing that I look forward to doing lately, just to take my mind off things and just relax. In the midst of the day-to-day routine, this is my one right now. I used to look forward to meditation, which I still do but there’s a calming effect when I’m just sitting and coloring that I like. 

What I’m paying attention to during this process

  • Colors: I want to make sure I pick the right color for this design, do I want certain areas to match? Do I want to shade certain areas and make others more darker? Decisions, Decisions.
  • Staying in the Line: I understand elementary school for me was eons ago but I still find myself trying to perfect this process, not sure if I never fully mastered this but this is a careful process for me to make sure I stay in the lines.
  • Make it unique: We have a sense of how certain things look in our world and these pictures allow me to change that bc it’s what I want to see.

Ok, so why am I just talking about coloring? Because it helps create a sense of control and peace in the moment. Adult coloring books can aid in managing anxiety, improving mindfulness bc you’re focusing on the task at hand and nothing else really matters. I’ve also read how this can be an alternative to meditation, if it’s not quite your thing yet. My boss got me my first coloring book and its been something that has come in handy for me when I need to relax

What It Means to Have A One

Having a one means you’re putting your self-care first. It means you value personal time with yourself and you’re ok with having alone time to get you right. If you need help in letting go of your stressors for a good bit of time, then its about finding your one. 

Be that person that looks forward to doing something else besides flipping the channels and letting technology take over in every aspect of your life. Remember as a child how you may have looked forward to snack or nap time? Well, just think about that feeling you would have, when you had a few minutes until that time. Find something that brings on those feelings.

Your one needs to bring some joy and happiness your way, it needs to be calming and it needs to be something that motivates you in some way. 

You heard about my one, what’s yours?

Thanks for reading

Alvina

See More Than You Want to See Though Self-Discovery

We all hear this infamous word, self-discovery? We may think it doesn’t apply and may not pay it the attention it truly deserves.  A path that at times we dismiss in the midst of life challenges. So this leads me to a few questions:

 

Do you recognize this person you see in the mirror each day? Are you making the changes you want to make? If not, what is stopping you?

We see ourselves in the mirror everyday, we should at least and it’s about paying attention to what you’re becoming and if it fits with what you value.  You know before I even get into that, are you really looking at yourself each day? Yes, we can stand in the mirror but what are you focusing on? Is it every not so great thing about you, is it everything you aren’t right now, or are you slightly looking at yourself, afraid of what you see? I think that right there is the first part of all of this, being able to fully see who you are and being realistic with what you recognize and what needs an overhaul.

Business Plan, More Like A Self Plan

Just like a business, start thinking of yourself as a brand and what components need assistance to make this part of self-discovery something amazing.

  • What’s your self plan looking like? Similar to a business plan but what are some pieces of yourself that you need to take a good look at.
  • Get your goals in check, from today, a week from now, a month or year, what do you want to see for yourself in you?
  • What things do you need to get you in check, what people can help, how can you help yourself in some way?

Being able to take a hard look at different parts of who are, makes the building process a bit easier to overcome.

I’ve questioned that person in the mirror several times and at times being able to be real on where you are in life and if it matches with your values can be tough. There are different aspects of life that take us away from us, but when your values are in check, that doesn’t happen as easily.

I can remember going back and forth on making sure it’s the right time to do something, maybe I’ve just lost myself and life is really taking its toll, or maybe it’s also trying to find my happiness from others validation.  All of this really made it hard to look at myself in the mirror, bc that fear of what I truly would see once I peeled off the exterior and look deep within.

Sometimes you have to get down deep, may have to shed a few tears, may have to re-do aspects of your life to see YOU again, but overall this is where self-discovery starts.

If you want to live a life of purpose, with intention, a life that is yours, with no regrets, you start it by looking deep into that person you see in the mirror each day and figuring out what you need and what values are truly important to you and finding ways to match that in aspects of your life.

Kept this short and sweet, hope this was helpful to you in some way.

Thanks for reading,

Alvina

 

Thoughts on Self-Care

So I don’t know about you guys but last week was just one of those weeks. With all the things going on in politics, it really is just tough hearing all the news.  I’ve mentioned before how important it is to make sure you make your mental health is a priority, especially with the state that our world is in. I’ve never been too much into politics but lately, its been something I’m focusing more on. This post isn’t necessarily about that,  just stressing the importance of taking time for yourself consistently, making your self-care a focus.

I thought about this topic early on Thursday morning when I made some time to actually eat breakfast. I usually rush in the mornings and eat my breakfast at work. Being able to take these few minutes to make my breakfast and sit was a pretty relaxing moment because I made it a self-care priority. It felt good sitting in a bit of silence, getting prepared for the day. How often do you make little moments in your life that focus on how you take care of yourself a priority? If you’re finding it hard to answer that, I need some answers on why? I can wait…

What You Need To Do

You need love and care too and shouldn’t let that be dismissed because of all that you may have going on. So, in honor of this self-care Sunday, which I think can be applied to any other day, make it a point to do things for yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s just knowing that at all times, you need to be good with you before applying yourself to other areas of your life.

What You Might Need To Get In Check

If you need to make sure your mental health is good, that may mean taking a step back from going out, gossiping, being in the mix of everything but your own business and finding out what you need to manage the feelings you have. If you have a way of how you talk to people and maybe it doesn’t come out in the nicest way,  work through ways of how you approach communicating with others, figure out where that type of communicating comes from and fix it. Maybe you still feel don’t feel fully connected in your relationships, then maybe it’s having a transparent come to Jesus moment with yourself to see what things you can work through to make you a stronger individual for yourself before you place yourself in a relationship that requires a good balance of independence and compromise.

Maybe you’re trying to upgrade your life in some way and having issues with following through. Whatever it is, focus on what you need to do to get your self-care in check.

Things I’ve Learned

I’m learning the importance of self-care, even when I feel I’ve got it down pact, something may happen that changes my focus. Our lives can really consume us to the point where we don’t look after ourselves. It can be about completing this for work, making sure you’re making this person happy, limiting exercise, holding things in, etc. These moments are ways that our environment is telling us things need to change before it’s too late and it becomes our life and any ounce of self-care gets thrown out the window.

Let your self-care become a habit.

Thanks for reading

Alvina

What A Relationship Doesn’t Have To Be

So, I had written out most of what I was going to mention on relationships today and I can’t seem to find it, like it never existed. Hate when that happens. So, I will just knock this out, straight from what I’m thinking right now. Something else, social media really is the devil in disguise. I’m trying to be productive because there are a few things I’m wanting to do differently in my professional life and I get so sucked in at times looking at absolutely nothing. Social media fast, here I come. Off topic again per usual.

My reasoning for writing about this topic was some surprising stats I heard today. It’s suicide awareness month and that was the focus of this webinar I was listening in on today and the top contributing factor from the CDC on suicide, was relationship issues. Very surprising and it truly is a wakeup call because even in the news and media, we hear about these things, may not pay too much attention at times but this really is a serious issue, when we’re bringing another energy into our space and the effects it can have on us.

What I Think About Relationships

I was also just thinking about relationship in general, due to current life changes I’m going through, and I wanted to share my thoughts on things. We put forth quite a bit of expectations on certain relationships, specifically those with our significant others and if they don’t go as expected, the damage it can do.

Relationships are beautiful, if you ever get that chance to fully be immersed in all of what someone is without judging and expecting certain things, it really can be a good natural energy that comes your way without much trying.  For me, relationships have been quite a learning experience, I’ve made mistakes that I’ve learned from and I think now I’m in this space of regardless of who I’m with, I won’t settle.

If there are certain things that I want in a relationship, I will not back down from them, which is different I feel from having certain high standards of perfection in a sense that some may look for. I think for me, it’s really about having someone in my corner 100% and just feeling like this person will challenge me to no regard and build me up in the same way that I do for them.

I just wanted to jot down my thoughts on what I feel a relationship is not and let me know if you agree and also have any additional things to add. We owe it to ourselves to be in a space with someone who brings with them good energy and without that its knowing when to deuce it out and create that space for yourself.

A Relationship is Not

  • One sided
  • Always 50/50, sometimes someone may have to bend just a little but it’s still a joint progress towards the goals of the relationship.
  • A requirement to your happiness, what’s required is the relationship you have with yourself.
  • About focusing on changing someone because it benefits you and your expectations, it’s about acceptance of someone’s flaws and how you make this a part of your space and if you can’t, then doing what needs to be done.
  • About stringing someone along, it’s about letting them go, if you feel you need to get all aspects of your life together before you can fully commit to any relationship.
  • Who is right or wrong, it’s about how we can come together and work through this disagreement and move forward in a positive space.
  • Degrading, its building each other up, consistently.
  • About enabling someone’s not so great behaviors, it’s about knowing what you deserve and adjusting your life to make that a priority.
  • Unhealthy
  • The end all be all, maybe this energy with this person was not meant to be but that doesn’t mean you can’t create it with someone else or with you to start.

I could go on about this one topic but I’ll have plenty more to share in upcoming posts. I’m all about peace and love lately and you owe to yourself to be in a relationship that is a good fit for you. A healthy, positive space that uplifts you in so many ways.

Thanks for reading

Alvina

Creating a Calmness Around You A Good Majority of The Time

So just wanted to check in mid-week, short week but it seems to be dragging.

My ultimate focus lately is creating this space of peace/calmness. Awareness of the control we can have in different aspects of our lives, is key. Things are definitely not going to go as planned all the time but that doesn’t mean we still can’t create this space of calm energy while we deal with the uncertainties of our day to day tasks. We can be tempted in different ways from,  someone talking about us, receiving a work email that could possibly poke at your abilities, someone being dishonest with you, etc. Yes, at times we want to gravitate towards what we know best and pounce on the situation. Who wants to think about our actions in the moment when we have all this adrenaline in us? Unconsciously, we may want to make someone else feel what we’re feeling in the moment and that can cause the immediate reaction.

Lately, I’ve learned the benefits of stopping in the moment. Yes,  I want to react but I stop, I may attend to whatever that is for a few minutes, may even have a comeback but,  it’s not about that, it’s giving myself time to calm down, creating a good peaceful energy for myself before reacting. Can I say that it has been so helpful to my overall outlook on things? Also, that not everything/everyone deserves your energy. That energy is very important and why waste it on people/things that are of no importance to you in your overall scope of how you go about your life?

Creating this peace can be beneficial to you in the long run because it can keep your heightened physiological activity at bay. Something we need, because every time we’re reacting our internal system reacts and too much of that can be detrimental to our overall health.

To get a clear understanding of yourself, how you respond to things, what triggers you, find your peace in these chaotic moments.

I catch myself talking myself down in my head, shrugging things off, labeling my behavior and learning to back away before I release on innocent bystanders. Of course, breathing and grounding techniques are also helpful during these times as well.

Just like I have mentioned before in so many ways, create a space for yourself that brings you happiness, everyday may be something different but you are in control of how you allow things to bother you. Create this space of calmness for you and no one else because it definitely is something that we all need right now.

A few other techniques in detail that may also be of some help.

 

Thanks for reading

Alvie

A Mindfulness Look In the Mirror

Hello there, so I hope you had a good weekend and you’re looking forward to the week. I am on this journey of mindfulness, being peaceful in the energy I create and just intentional lately. I truly have found the benefits of mindfulness through meditation and really staying in the moment. I have it scheduled to do every day, at about 4:45pm EST. Yes, its specific but hey if you’re trying to make something work for you and add into a routine that you enjoy, you better be intentional on how and when you want to get this “activity” done. Not sure if you’ve ever created an energy around you that just exudes positivity, calmness and patience. Your perspective on things as they happen changes, someone cuts you off in traffic, no big deal, someone at work irritates you, you “woosah” a bit, your boo slice isn’t compromising on something, revisit the convo calmly and get your point across assertively and life moves on.

The most beneficial part about mediating is just the after effects, I am calmer, my body seems a bit too relaxed which I like, because to get to this state of relaxation it can take a bit out of you, that’s why it’s good to be still for a bit after finishing to collect yourself. Lastly, I love how I respond to things after and try to do this during the day as well. I feel like my demeanor has been a bit more calmer, things that I think could and used to get to me, my mind now tries to switch to a place of thinking a bit or taking a few steps back before reacting, which is a BIG DEAL for me because like my friends and family know, I can quickly go from 0-100 pretty darn quickly and that is something I have been working greatly on minimizing.

In the scope of this peaceful, mindfulness space, I’m trying to create for myself, one of the things I have learned to do more of, is to truly look in the mirror, past what I see on the surface, to get to a place of fixing some of those core issues that can be easily masked. In being able to be vulnerable enough to do this, it’s helping with a few key things:

  • Building on my confidence
  • Making myself accountable for my actions
  • I’m more open to a care-free state of mind, which also helps me see that not everything has to go the way I expect it to go.
  • I’m growing with an intention to just be present and accept all those layers.
  • Being honest with myself on what I need to get to a place of self-actualization
  • Change is good, I think also that’s why I cut my hair recently, I’m in this place of being good for me first.
  • I’ve been more creative and more excited to do some different things with my life, grow more and see where this can take me.

Like I have mentioned before, I’m far from having this wellness journey at a place that I would like but hopefully giving you a glimpse of what is helping me create overall mindfulness, can be something that helps you. Truly looking at ourselves in the mirror can be a daunting moment because we do try to escape certain things that need to be handled ASAP to get us past the hump we’re on or just move us to our destination of discovering all the greatness in ourselves.

I will leave you with this. You owe so much to yourself by being as authentic as possible. As much as you try to move away from that one thing you know is in you, the more it creeps up in certain aspects of your life, so look past what you see in the mirror and ask yourself how will you challenge yourself today?

“We have to confront ourselves. Do we like what we see in the mirror? And, according to our light, according to our understanding, according to our courage, we will have to say yea or nay – and rise!” Maya Angelou