Making Small Moments of Frustration Be Just That

Hey there, hoping you had a good weekend. It’s been a minute since I posted on Monday, may need to pick that back up. This weekend really does seem like a blur, needed one more day.  I did feel a bit accomplished fixing up our book shelf, mixed it up with a few trinkets as well as the usual books. I really can spend all day, moving things around and fixing up things in our place, not sure if that’s a good thing because then I want to buy things to replace where I moved it from.

smiling women

Something I learned this past week/weekend from JW is how quickly I can let a moment get to me, that it takes me away from enjoying anything else. So, one thing that occurred this weekend was losing my wallet twice, with the second time not being able to find it. Sigh. But during this process, I learned that I still have more work to do on how I choose to handle situations but still proud of my progress.  When I was frantically looking for my wallet, the first time, I was becoming frustrated, annoyed, not thinking before I spoke, etc and JW was watching me in the midst of all this and kept telling me to still be positive in some way, think about the next step, instead of staying in this state of frustration. But, seriously who can think positive when you’re in a moment filled with anxiety and uncertainty?  I was not able to think clearly or focus on tracking what I did prior to me losing my wallet I because I was just upset with myself.  I was rushing to get somewhere so that didn’t help the situation. Several times he had me STOP and just provided with the most uplifting advice of not allowing this small part of my day, to affect my mood.

positive moment

This really did make me think after the fact, just how we allow little things that we at times have no control over, take over our whole mood which flows into the rest of the day. We may not stick to a particular routine because that little thing has us a bit flustered, or we can just stay in our head and keep revisiting whatever that thing is,  that you don’t notice the positive moments that could really help improve how you feel.

thinking positive

You have a choice on how you allow certain things to affect you. You can choose to take a step back in these moments to think clearly about what you can do from here and learn from these experiences to not repeat certain things. For me, it’s putting my wallet in the same place each day so I carelessly don’t throw it somewhere and have to frantically search for it the next day.

When I was able to breathe, take a step back, it really opened my eyes for me to see that the weather was actually really nice today,  that it was going to be a great day because of how excited I was about attending this conference that day. Lastly it really made me appreciate that person in my corner that can always help me shift my focus when the day isn’t going as planneed.

This is just a reminder to not let small moments takeover your energy. There’s more to life than those moments that you won’t remember days from now. You can choose how much you allow small moments to drain you. Choose to be in control of those moments, knowing what in that moment is not conducive to your growth and what you need to let go of to be able to still take in good moments of your day to enjoy it like you should.

This right here is true GROWTH, manage it wisely.

Alvie

 

Pictures by Kristen

The Time That You Give To Areas of Your Life

 

What are you making time for?

 

One of the things that I keep thinking about is the time that we put into different areas that we want to work through. To see progress in one area of your life, you have to spend time making sure that you are nurturing what you’re trying to focus on. Quite often clients get stuck, they want things to start happening now but sometimes it takes time, time that some may not want to invest. There can be a mindset that if a certain plan doesn’t work, the process won’t work so people want to quit all together. This right here is where I come in to really encourage that progress can happen.

But, I always ask during these moments, What is hindering you from making time for yourself? Where is all your time going?

Sometimes, the response that I usually get is “You know, I really don’t know.”

Is it because we get to a point where we stop paying attention to what things we need to do for ourselves? Does life get too complicated that we remove things from our life that should serve a purpose and replace it with things that we settle for?

Paying attention to what you do on a consistent basis shapes your mindset, your focus, your motivation and your goals. Take social media or just the concern of what others are doing in their lives, so if that is what continues to grab your attention, you focus on trying to do what works for others and living a life that was meant for someone else instead of getting yourself together to focus on your own goals, staying in our own lane, doing what makes us happy. Another example, if you are constantly thinking not so great things, over thinking situations, etc, that can tire you out to the point where you can’t enjoy life anymore because you can’t control how you attend to certain thoughts, you limit yourself because your thoughts hold you back and then it becomes a continuous cycle that will never end until you make time to change-up your thought process.

Investing in you needs to continue to be a focus, make time for growing, learning, shaping yourself because developing into what you want to become takes time. Last week, I wrote about the things I started to do differently once my mindset changed. My focus lately has been investing more time in myself. I invest time towards work, my relationship, doing for others, writing, exercise and so many other things that I look up at times and wonder where all my time has gone. Simple projects of organizing take time now because my time and energy is being depleted.  So lately, I have been allowing myself to really be care-free and I make time to do the smallest things for me.  I take my time in making sure I’m doing what I want, making sure I’m doing things the way I would like and that’s been a great feeling. You should do the same if you aren’t already.  If you’re wanting a different outcome in any aspect of your life, its time to start focusing on how much energy you are giving things that aren’t helpful to your growth.

Take time to let your new way of doing things grow and develop. Some things that need your time:

• Find a routine that works for you on a daily

• Relax

• Let go of things

• Make your goals

• Be present

• Find your passion

• Regulate your emotions

• Build up an arsenal of things that bring a smile to your face

• Love the person you are

• For people who matter to you

• Find overall balance

 

Just a few things, let me know if you have anymore.

 

Thanks for reading

Alvie

 

Photos by knwphotos

Our own Superpowers

I couldn’t let all this talk about all the superhero movies we’ve been having go to waste  without actually dedicating a post to it in some way shape or form. As I usually think about the random things that I do, I wondered, if these superhero’s have the supernatural powers that they do, do we ever think about our own unique abilities that others can’t replicate? And if so, are we doing our due diligence to make sure we are making this uniqueness stronger and apparent as each day goes on. I feel in the movies we see that some are either born with certain powers or they were accidentally given these powers but overall they continue to shape this superpower, whatever it is.I was thinking long and hard about what my superpower could be or just what sets me apart from others and if I make it a point to make this a stronger part of who I am on a regular basis? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. I think for me, I know certain things I’m good at and so it’s a little bit of cockiness in that I feel why do I need to make it better but I think there’s always that room for improvement, there’s always something we don’t know and we can always do certain things to tweak certain great qualities about ourselves to make them better. Like I mentioned, do we know the things that make us unique to the point where we are making sure we’re feeding it the nutrients it needs to be something great so when that time comes for us to really need and use that skill, we are ready. I think at times with everything we have going on, we don’t really pay attention to what truly makes as unique and we have so many life distractions that we truly are just trying to make it with what we have and what we have could be holding us back from seeing so many good qualities about ourselves that we could be overlooking. If you ever have the time or better yet make the time, ask yourself what makes you unique? Create a space where you can truly think about this. Then how are dedicating time in your life to make this skill stronger? What would you like to use this special skill for? Sometimes really getting down to moments where we may have stopped doing things we used to, can help us think about things differently, gets us motivated again to get back to a place where we recognize who we are, where we want to go, how we get there and along the way building up our qualities so when we get there, we have what we need. Didn’t want to keep you too long but thought I would sprinkle this bit of randomness on this last Monday of the month. Have a good one and thanks for reading.

Goal for the week: Reading and building up my knowledge of different ways to improve my counseling techniques.

See you later,

Alvie

Where does your source of validation come from?

Hello again, this is a new week, what are you going to do differently than the last week to get to that goal you’re trying to get to? I had a pretty relaxing weekend, thought a bit about why I wasn’t at NYFW, one day soon I will get there,  it rained quite a bit but I was able to get out and make something of the weekend in these Maryland streets. I feel like I’m truly becoming a grown-up in being able to get our apartment together, really paying attention to detail to make sure our place reflects both of our personalities and has a grown-up feel. I never thought I would focus on so many ways to place a candle in a specific area of our place or just going back and forth with the types of different chairs that are affordable and can fit with the overall living room theme of not really trying too hard but things look like they just fit together without much effort. Ahhh the life. A topic that keeps hanging around that I haven’t talked about is where we seek our validation from, with things in our life. In so many conversations, we allow “likes” and others words of encouragement define how we should in a sense be “okay” with the things we do, but it comes to a point where you have to ask yourself, is that what you strive for or is it your own validation more important? We can get sucked into this world of feeling accepted by how others choose to attend to us and I think this is such a serious topic because for some we don’t see how much we attend to others opinions and leach onto it like it serves a true purpose in our lives. Sometimes we seek validation because maybe its all we have to really feel like we matter, like we mean something to someone, sometimes if you’re told certain things about yourself, getting others approval is what you know, it makes you see like you have a purpose when maybe you don’t believe in yourself, but its time to get that belief back in you.  Believe in who you are, what you’ve become, the image you see everyday, it may not be perfect but everyday is a new day to find meaning in the things you do. It’s great to have people show appreciation and support for you but is that what’s needed to keep you going? If it is,  this is a concern and I’ve had my own bouts with this, but it’s figuring some things out. Why do you seek or need others approval? Dig deep, what triggers this in you, pay attention to when you’re excitement is controlled by what someone may say to you and create that excitement in yourself first. I know I repeat myself in certain ways but it’s really paying attention to your self-talk, it’s seeing what motivates you, it’s seeing why you feel the attention from others is more important than what you provide to yourself.  Everyday should be another day where you get to know yourself, you build yourself up, you feed yourself that positive energy, you encourage everything that you do, regardless of the uncertainties you may have because at the end of the day it starts with you. We can’t go on floating on the words and attention of others because that will be what we continue to live for so pay attention to that and get back on focusing your own thing, your own positive self-talk, you own ways of happiness. As you make it known to yourself that you don’t need others validation, you stay in your own lane, you check-in with your thoughts to make sure your thinking is where it needs to be and you learn how to build yourself up from within and not externally. I hope each day of this week, you’re mindful of the things you attend to, have a good one and I will have another post for you in the a few days.

Thanks for reading,

Alvie

 

Photos: Nikki (knwphotos)

 

 

Mix of Wellness & Winter style

Hi, hoping you had a great weekend and stayed warm. I was so excited for it to snow for some reason, wanted to go outside and make a snowman but did I, I sadly report that I really didn’t even leave the house this weekend except a bit on Sunday with the boo. I don’t think I know how to drive in the snow even though it looked like it didn’t stick, I didn’t want to take any chances.:).. I did however try my hand at making a vegan pizza on cauliflower crust, turned out pretty good, finished some holiday shopping online and continued reading the Daily Promise, to help with my weekly meditation. If you haven’t read this book, it really is a must to help with focusing on your own happiness/wellness and steps to take towards that on a daily basis. I shared on Instagram, my promise for this week coming up and it’s focusing on not comparing yourself to others. I know I have mentioned this problem I have struggled with in a few posts and still working on it. I do understand that we are all on different paths and comparing yourself with someone who may already be on a path that you may yearn for, shouldn’t happen. We don’t know how this person got to where they’re at, all the hard work they may have gone through, we just see their progress now and want what they have now, but you know it doesn’t work like that. Stay in your lane, compare yourself to you and your own progress, appreciate the steps you’re taking to get to where you want to be, be confident that you will get to where you would like to be and when you get there, you know that this was your journey, you didn’t have to focus on what someone else was doing, you did this for you, you made yourself proud, you got to where you wanted to be by taking small steps and when you finally get to where you want to be, you continue to keep the focus on you and how you can improve for yourself and make changes that up your value. Your worth is so valuable and doesn’t need to be tainted by what you think you should be doing by comparing yourself, focus on what you should be doing for yourself and like they say, the rest should take care of itself. You are unique, there’s no other like you so why try to be where someone else is at, focus on where you need to be at and it’s on your own path, so take the time you need to get to your goal, compare your progress only to you, don’t worry about someone else, they aren’t you, you were placed here for a reason and it didn’t have anything to do with imitating someone else’s path to improve your overall wellness.

 

Hope you enjoyed and thanks for coming, seeing you back in a few days.

 

Dress:Gap

Booties:H&M

Jacket: Cole Haan

Changing up Tradition

Happy Monday, hope you had a good Thanksgiving, I was in the process of moving so I wasn’t able to post like I wanted,  but new week, new things to focus on. It seems like when the holidays roll around, they go by pretty quickly and then a new year is upon us. Sometimes I feel we can make the holidays a stressful time, not being able to say “no” to parties you’re invited to, having to buy gifts for everyone or being responsible to cook for a whole bunch of people. This is the first time in a long time where I didn’t concern myself with tradition of going home but I stayed put and kept it pretty low-key. I missed going home to see my family but I really just did what I wanted to do, not sure if that sounds selfish but it was just a nice break from the norm. Am I actually growing up? I think so. The funny thing is I didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving until the next day with my boyfriend and that worked for us. I think we can get caught up on the standard of how we should do things because of what we’re told, what we’re used to or what the media tends to glamorize and that’s what we stick to sometimes but it can always be good to start your own tradition in a way. If spending time collecting your thoughts work, make that happen, if you want to cook for a party of one, its ok, as long as you have a good balance and make sure at the end of the day you’re happy, I think that’s all that matters. As I’m working on this post Sunday evening, this would have been a hectic time, probably getting home late from the airport, figuring out what I will meal plan for the week and maybe what my post will be about but that’s not the case this time around, I’m home all those things are finished and I just have the rest of the night to relax.

 Have you ever started your own holiday tradition from the norm?

Shirt dress: Theory

Sweater: Gap

Shoes:Old Navy

Pausing to Enjoy the little things

Another week to start to create the life you want for yourself. I attended a conference last week and one of the nights, almost everyone attended a “gala” and it was so refreshing to see people that are so influential in their field just let loose. All week and prior, I think we were all scrambling to make sure presentations go well and throughout the conference making sure you attend the talks of interest, network with future collaborators on certain projects and the gala just brought everything to a halt. We weren’t thinking about anything work related, at least not for me but we really were just taking in the fact that there was good music, activities for us to partake in and just being able to truly laugh and enjoy this moment we were having. This really can apply to how we live our lives, sometimes we are on the go so much that we forget to Pause and really smell the roses. It’s hard because there is always something to do but as I really observed individuals turn into someone “normal” for one night where no one was depending on them, it truly just shows how much more we need moments of laughter and escape to be ourselves sometimes instead of always feeling like we are needed. So, make this a Monday goal or everyday goal if you accept the challenge, how often will you pause to be able to take in the positive things going on around you? A gratitude journal wouldn’t hurt either.;)

 

Dress, long cardigan, Belt:H&M

Shoes: Zara

Photo:S.C