How often is it that when things occur, you’re trying to find every reason to blame others but yourself?

I’ve been in many conversations with people where I’ve listened to a story and instead of someone taking fault, where they should have, there’s always a search for a scapegoat on why certain things happened the way they did. We can disregard our own faults and our own issues that we may need to work on at times. It’s time to start being transparent with yourself and looking at what you’re bringing into any situation. What little thing can always be learned in any situation you’re involved in?

We have plenty of thoughts to shift the blame on someone else. “Since this person hurt me this much, I can’t no longer be me and enjoy life like I should.” “With my family being so over-protective, I will never grow.” “This person is always messing up the flow of my day.” Add in the thoughts you have but this long line of statements can really go on and on changing your perspective on how you view things.

To learn how to get out of these thoughts its starting with, what part did I play in this? Yes, there are situations where it literally is someones fault but is there any ounce of blame that you can say you can place on yourself that you can learn from the situation. Now granted there are scenarios, where you didn’t do anything and maybe you don’t need to explore anymore on what you could have done differently but its more about what you can change moving forward so similar situations don’t occur.

At times when we constantly are blaming others for things we need to look within, its going back to our own insecurities, getting down to the true self. If we can learn to merge our true self (what we are with all our mistakes, our issues, all the good and not so good things about us) with the self we give to others (sometimes the superficial personality we exude because we don’t want that judgement once people find out who we really are), then maybe we can find some balance in us and knowing who we are to ourselves.  Could this help us start to build genuine interpersonal relationships along with caring for ourselves a bit better?

When you can stay true to the person you are, you recognize when you’re actually at fault, your brain doesn’t just switch to automatically look for fault in everybody else but you. When you train your brain to do that you’re causing an unrealistic view on how you perceive situations that occur. Your judgement on what really happened becomes skewed. If this is your life and you feel like it applies, a few things to consider.

• What specifically needs to change?
• What is the first step you can take towards getting more in tune with you?
• Take a step back and think about a different way to look at situations.
• Stop and before your mind starts to go in so many different scenarios, count to 10, do a grounding exercise before you impulsively think the first automatic thought.

Alvie