One of the things that has always puzzled me is how we can project our own insecurities on others. Could it be that we haven’t dealt with our trust issues? Maybe we haven’t come to terms with accepting how we look? Or is it just we haven’t been able to find satisfaction in our own lives? In these moments we start to transfer this not so great energy onto others, without even thinking about it. I know for me something I would do was judging. I would talk about how someone was, how they possibly dressed and the list could go on until I realized I don’t have an issue with the people I talk about, I had an issue with me. There were certain parts of me that I wasn’t happy with at that time and I lashed out by thinking I was making myself feel better by talking about others focusing on certain areas that I wasn’t pleased about in my own life. I realized for me to stop doing this, I needed to make some changes and for me that included taking care of my physical health, watching my diet, and being an active participant in my own life instead of letting life pass me by.
Also, when I started to give judgmental advice, not allowing others in my life to make a mistake, or just judging them for not seeing things that were affecting their progress, that was it for me. That told me there was something that I had to do because this isn’t how I should be. As a psychotherapist, I couldn’t be one way with my clients and another way with family/friends.
Our automatic thoughts during this time is key. Your automatic thought can go straight to what occurred in your past and you repeat this cycle of projecting past issues onto innocent bystanders. In any case this is the time to do something more with those thoughts. Believe that you can do more and act on doing more. Check those insecurities at the door, check those automatic thoughts as well. We automatically think what we have experienced so to unlearn this it will take work but you have that time. Be honest with yourself and what you project on others and be mindful of the not so great things you say about yourself/others. That right there can truly lead you to identify what things you don’t like about self and working through ways to manage that.
A few things to do to leave those insecurities at the door:
- Be aware of when you’re doing this, stop and catch yourself in the moment and restructure this thought.
- Ask yourself why in this moment are you thinking this specific thought?
- Journal these moments and find a pattern
- Plan to get out of this way of thinking
- Do something about it, get your life in order, work on yourself, basically build yourself up like you need to