When I’ve had patients/clients mention thinking certain things they shouldn’t, going back to old situations that don’t fit them anymore, it all goes back to loneliness in that moment. We don’t like to be lonely, it doesn’t feel right, we feel with no one immediately around, we take that inward, our self-talk is doubtful, we can just criticize ourselves at times which doesn’t make it right and we can entertain the idea of going back to some old habits at times as well. Even if these moments come few and far between, it’s being able to recognize when you’re maybe slipping back and identify the root cause, then what can be done in the moment to bring you back. We can use our alone time to work for us if we want, it’s just being mindful about the things going on in that head of yours. One of the things I noticed when I wasn’t in a relationship or maybe my friends weren’t there like I wanted them to be was how much I hated alone time, if no one was reaching out to me or just not being able to have anyone around, I didn’t want to deal with that feeling, thoughts I had about my expectations of others would start to creep on through and make me question myself and others and that turns into just ruminating thoughts that really didn’t help the situation.
One of the things I’ve learned and try to provide that to clients is being able to accept your current feelings as raw as they are and being able to be present enough that you know this will pass but in this moment, focusing on why you’re having this thought, can anything make it better, will you give yourself an allotted time to think and feel in that moment, then move to something else that can be productive for you? Your Me Time is so important but be aware of how you utilize that time. Pay attention to the thoughts in your head, pay attention to triggers that have led to this type of thinking in this moment, pay attention to the root cause of your thinking and handle that first instead of things on the surface.
I touched on this a bit in the “Me Time” post but really the benefits of loneliness is getting to know you, it’s getting to accept all parts of you from the feelings, emotions and thoughts you have and learning how to manage them and stay in the moment. Sometimes a few questions can help make that lonely time of yours beneficial and keep you focused like you need to. These are just a few but if you ever find yourself just feeling lonely and doubtful, try these questions on for size. They can help in shifting your focus just a bit to look at all the good qualities about you, keep you thinking some positive things to be able to use the loneliness time to do something other than worry and think up things that you shouldn’t.
What are some things you’re good at?
What do you value the most?
What makes you unique?
What are some challenges you’ve overcome?
There are great benefits to being alone in some moments of your life, the important thing is paying attention to what’s making you feel lonely, is it by choice or something else. Once you get that, then what’s the next step you can take to not feel that way you are in that moment because it will pass, but in this moment accept how you’re feeling and dig deep on what’s truly going on with you.
Thanks for reading